Pressure from an iron can remove creases but pressure on a person can break or build character.
(Anna G.)
You feel pressured, pushed, you can’t even breathe. What’s happening? There is a lot of pressure to be like everyone else but you don’t want to be like everyone else, you just want to be YOU. Can’t you? Why do you feel like this pressure is killing you? Why can others handle this pressure but why are you struggling so much? Should you just end it? NO!
Remember, who You Are is not tied to what you can achieve. Our inner man wants to be known. Our identity knows that we are born to be significant. There is a reason for our existence.
Your identity is separate from looking or being perfect. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do well. But being perfect should never be your goal. No one is perfect and can be perfect. Even perfect crimes are not perfect because no secret can be hidden forever.
Our imperfections set us apart from each other. Our choices of how we react to issues and events in our lives and the lives of those close to us impact who we become. We can grow from our mistakes or be crippled by them. It’s your choice how you respond. As long as we are alive, there is still hope. Don’t give up. It may feel suffocatingly difficult right now but it is not the end. So don’t take the coward way out to end it before your time.
Yes, the pressure is so suffocating that you don’t feel you can even breathe. Tell yourself – I am not perfect and I don’t have to try to be perfect! It’s ok. I’m ok.
The pressure to measure up is causing you a lot of distress, relook at how you’re handling pressure. You say you’ve no choice. You have a choice but you may not be prepared for the consequence of your action. That’s one of the key reasons why you’re feeling bashed up by what’s happening to you.
By letting go, it is not giving up! They’re two different actions. When you let go, it means you’ve accepted that you may not get where you want right now but you’re ok with it. When you give up, it means that you no longer think that the goal is meant for you. Even then you can adjust your goal and make different choices to get there.
So keep the same goals but adjust the timeline to achieve it or you may want to review the goals you have set. Be clear about what you want to achieve. Setting goals help you to focus. Not having any goal in your life may also become a pressure on you as well whether through others’ expectations or your own.
Being subjected to pressure is not the problem. The real issue is with how we handle the pressure. Preparation removes the lid on pressure. Preparation should be part of your action plan to achieve your goals. You may say, but I’m not like that. I am not the type to set goals. Setting goals is not an intellectual or academic exercise. Even figuring out when or what you want to eat involves a simple plan. It may seem almost effortless on your part. But you still have to decide what you want to eat and whether to prepare the food yourself or go out and find the food. All these decisions form an action plan.
So set your own action plan. Let these meet the goals you’ve set for yourself and follow through with them. You can adjust a little as you move along. Let your goals become the benchmark for you to achieve excellence. They are necessary so that when the pressure mounts, you can refocus and look at what matters to you and what you have set for yourself rather than be affected by how well your peers are doing. It is not about how fast you can reach your goal but about how well you have learned as you move along towards your goal.
Pressure in itself is not bad. Just like the caterpillar that’s been in the cocoon, it will need to exert pressure to press through so that its wings can unfold and it can transform into a butterfly.
Another example from nature is how pearls are formed “when an irritant works its way into the oyster. As a defence mechanism, the oyster secretes a fluid to coat the irritant. Layer upon layer of this coating is deposited on the irritant until a beautiful pearl is formed.”*
Some pressure is necessary to build us up, to make us stronger. Your character can be forged from the pressure. It’s up to you how you respond to pressure. You can tell yourself, you don’t need to be perfect! Wanting to do well does not mean you have to be perfect. You just have to set a standard and follow through with what you have set for yourself. Let your standards be the benchmark for you to strive for excellence.
I remembered when I was still studying. Examinations scare me. I like to read even textbooks but I really dislike examinations. The run-up to exam days are like Doomsday for me. I find difficulty eating or sleeping. The weight of expectations from my parents was very heavy. Especially since I know the neighbours or my relatives, with similar age children as my siblings and I, will be quick to approach my mum to compare the academic results of their children. As I didn’t want my mum to feel ashamed of me, I tried to study hard.
However, when I thought I was getting somewhere with my preparations, I’ll hear of some classmate already done that or how ahead they are. That really discouraged me because of how far I felt I was behind them in my preparation. I just can’t understand how they do it because they don’t seem to have studied but how come they’re so ahead with their preparations? Naive me, didn’t know then that some of them have intensive tuition after school. All I know was that I really felt like giving up then.
However, one day I relook at my schedule of revision which I had planned in preparation for my exams. I resolved then to keep to the schedule rather than be affected by what my classmates’ pace of revision. I told myself to just tell them that I can’t discuss the topic that they want me to if I have not reached that part of the preparation rather than let my wanting to fit in or not say ‘no’ to my classmates, mess up my schedule.
As I learned to stick to my plans and goals that I have set, I started forming standards and expectations that helped me to stick to them and achieve better consistent results because I had much more focus. The satisfaction was sweeter because I set the level of pressure I’m willing to face. Of course, I became a taskmaster and less of a people person. That’s another story for another post.
The key thing to remember is that being under pressure is not a bad thing. Don’t shy away from pressure or avoid it. Make pressure work for you. Just like some clothes need ironing whilst others don’t. So moderate your plans and focus on those that need more attention and go easy on less important areas. So that some of the pressure can be let off you. Read the story on rafting below. It may give you a different perspective on what type of person you wish to be when you respond to pressure.
Learn to love yourself and set time to reflect. What better time to do this than at the end of the year? It’s New Year’s Eve. So go and reflect after all the partying. Don’t let pressure handle you, manage the pressure!
Artist: Lydia C. Text: Anna G.
*Definition from www.jthomasjewelers.com
Rafting
By good fortune, I was able to raft down the Motu River in New Zealand twice during the last year. The magnificent four-day journey traverses one of the last wilderness areas in the North Island.
The first expedition was led by “Buzz”, an American guide with a great deal of rafting experience and many stories to tell of mighty rivers such as the Colorado. With a leader like Buzz, there was no reason to fear any of the great rapids on the Motu.
The first half day in the gentle upper reaches, was spent developing teamwork and co-ordination. Strokes had to be mastered and the discipline of following commands without question was essential. In the boiling fury of a rapid, there would be no room for any mistake. When Buzz bellowed above the roar of the water, an instant reaction was essential.
We mastered the Motu. In every rapid we fought against the river and we overcame it. The screamed commands of Buzz were matched only by the fury of our paddles, as we took the raft exactly where Buzz wanted it to go.
At the end of the journey, there was a great feeling of triumph. We had won. We proved that we were superior. We knew that we could do it. We felt powerful and good. The mystery and majesty of the Motu had been overcome.
The second time I went down the Motu, the experience I had gained should have been invaluable, but the guide on this journey was a very softly spoken Kiwi. It seemed that it wouldn’t even be possible to hear his voice above the noise of the rapids.
As we approached the first rapid, he never even raised his voice. He did not attempt to take command of us or the river. Gently and quietly he felt the mood of the river and watched every little whirlpool. There was no drama and no shouting. There was no contest to be won. He loved the river.
We sped through each rapid with grace and beauty and after a day, the river had become our friend, not our enemy. The quiet Kiwi was not our leader, but only the person whose sensitivity was more developed than our own. Laughter replaced the tension of achievement.
Soon the quiet Kiwi was able to lean back and let all of us take turns as leader. A quiet nod was enough to draw attention to the things our lack of experience prevented us from seeing. If we made a mistake, then we laughed and it was the next person’s turn.
We began to penetrate the mystery of the Motu. Now, like the quiet Kiwi, we listened to the river and we looked carefully for all those things we had not even noticed the first time.
At the end of the journey, we had overcome nothing except ourselves. We did not want to leave behind our friend, the river. There was no contest, and so nothing had been won. Rather we had become one with the river.
It remains difficult to believe that the external circumstances of the two journeys were similar. The difference was in an attitude and a frame of mind. At the end of the journey, it seemed that there could be no other way. Given the opportunity to choose a leader, everyone would have chosen someone like Buzz. At the end of the second journey, we had glimpsed a very different vision and we felt humble – and intensely happy.